Image by: Andy Dé

If you ever feel like you are butting heads with your doctor, you’re not alone.  Medical training can teach doctors to think and speak in ways that may seem foreign to you.  You may feel like your doctor isn’t listening to you, or that he isn’t addressing your concern.  Here are a few things you can do to improve your relationship with your doctor.

Be Courteous

Just like a relationship with anyone else, you will get off on the right foot if you are courteous and respect your doctor’s time.  Arriving early for your appointment, filling out any requested paperwork, and being friendly with your doctor and with his staff will start your visit off with the right tone.  Although doctors are ethically obligated to give the same level of care to all patients, they are also human.  As such, they may give a little more time and attention to patients who make an effort to be friendly and likeable.

Be Clear

Doctors face increasing pressure to see more patients in less time, and this pressure often leads them to try to get through patient visits quickly and efficiently.  Although your doctor may truly enjoy chatting with you, if you do not clearly explain your problem within a few minutes, your doctor may be tempted to rush things along.  For this reason, it’s important to try to explain your problem clearly without including a lot of extraneous information.  When your doctor asks you a question, try your best to answer exactly the question he is asking, rather than to steer the conversation in another direction.  Your doctor is asking you that specific question for a reason, and he likely needs the answer to diagnose and treat you correctly.  Let’s look at an example of unclear communication:

Doctor:  How long does the chest pain last?

You: It’s hard to say.  I mean, I’ve never really timed it and sometimes it lasts longer than other times.  The time I had it when I was watching TV was a lot longer than the time I got it while I was golfing.  I was surprised by how long it lasted last night because I was used to it being over quicker.

After this answer, your doctor is no closer to diagnosing you, because he still has no idea whether this pain lasts seconds, minutes, or hours.  This example may seem silly, but many people answer questions in this “stream of consciousness” way instead of thinking for a moment and coming up with the best answer to the question.  Here is an example of more clear communication:

Doctor: How long does the chest pain last?

You: You know it’s different every time.  It came on suddenly one day when I was golfing and it was probably gone in less than thirty seconds, but last night it lasted for almost all of a half hour TV show.

Trying to answer the question as specifically as possible, as in the above example, gives your doctor the information he needs to treat you correctly and with confidence.

Just as it is important to explain your symptoms clearly, it is also important to be clear about your expectations for the visit.  Two people may come to the doctor with the same problem but with completely different expectations for treatment.

For example, two young women come to the doctor to have a spot looked at on their skin.  Girl A is not bothered by the appearance of the spot, but comes in because she wants to make sure it isn’t skin cancer.  Girl B has the same spot but isn’t concerned that it’s dangerous.  She simply wants it removed because she doesn’t like the appearance.  If the doctor doesn’t know the specific expectations of each patient, he might waste Girl A’s time and money by removing the harmless spot and might simply reassure Girl B that she has nothing to worry about instead of addressing her concern about its appearance.  If you want to leave your visit happy, be clear with your doctor about what you want to get out of your visit, whether it is reassurance you are healthy, treatment of your symptoms, or a clear explanation of why you feel the way you do. 

Be Organized

When you go to the doctor, there are two main things that he will want to know: what is your problem and what has been done in the past to diagnose and treat it.  Having an accurate list of the medicines you are taking with the dose and how often you take them is essential to having an efficient visit.  Because some medications don’t mix well, your doctor often can’t prescribe a new treatment if he doesn’t know what medicines you are already taking.  If you don’t bring an accurate medication list to your visit, your doctor is likely to spend half the visit trying to figure out what the “little yellow pill” is that you take, which is likely to frustrate both of you.

Being organized also means knowing the names of other doctors you have seen in the past in case your new doctor needs to contact any of them for medical records.  If he can’t get those records, he may end up repeating tests which will increase your costs and delay the time until you get the right treatment and feel better.

Be Honest

If you have pelvic pain, don’t say your stomach is what’s bother you.  If your dizziness started when you were drinking heavily, don’t conveniently forget to mention that.  It takes years to become a doctor, and by the time your doctor meets you, he has already heard it all.  Holding back when it comes to embarrassing topics like sexual history or drug use only makes it harder for your doctor to do his job, and neither of you will be happy with the results.

Learn to Think Like a Doctor

One major source of frustration is when doctor and patient have conflicting priorities.  You may have come to the doctor because your knee hurts, but your doctor may be more interested in talking about your blood pressure.  The reason for this conflict is simple.  You came in because there is something bothering you right now.  Your doctor, however, knows that your knee pain will not cause a heart attack that could kill you, whereas your blood pressure might.  The best way to handle these differing priorities is to try to compromise.  Instead of getting frustrated with your doctor, try to understand that he is only trying to look out for your health in the long-term and prevent serious health problems.  You might say something like, “Doc, I know controlling my blood pressure is important, but I just can’t go home without figuring out what to do about my knee.  If I agree to try a new blood pressure medication and return in 2 weeks for follow-up, could we spend the rest of the visit addressing my knee problem?”  By agreeing to an agenda at the beginning of the visit that is satisfactory to both you and your doctor, you will both leave the visit feeling your goals have been met.

Many people feel they don’t always see eye to eye with their doctor, but there are things you can do to improve the relationship.  By being polite, honest, organized, and clear about your symptoms and your expectations, you can get the most out of your visit with the doctor.

By Lola Vylok

Lola is a young professional who enjoys writing about health, pets, finance, relationships, and a variety of other topics.