I recently received the following question, which merits discussion:
“What kinds of gifts should be offered at the start of a relationship that the man hopes would be a serious, long-term love? (And what not to give!)”
In the words of Gene Rally, a man should not give ANY gifts on the first two or three dates. Most guys engage in “buy her affections” activity, in which they attempt to entice women into an implied engagement by purchasing presents for her far too soon. This has the effect of scaring women away.
Instead, a man should save his money to prove that he is FUN, and then show her a good time. Get a few rolls of quarters and take her to the arcade as an example. Alternatively, buy her a delicious pastry that you can both enjoy together.
Gifts should be given early on to enhance the experience of your time together, not to please a woman. Hold off on the flowers and sweets until you’ve developed some real rapport and interest with her; only then will your gifts be appreciated.
After three dates, the guy should be able to relax a little and get her a card or some flowers. But, once again, the plan is to keep things LOW KEY. It’s easier to under-gift at this stage so he can demonstrate deliberate restraint rather than hasty imprudence.
Remember that it’s not the money you spend that matters, but the message you send.
This reader also inquired:
“What kinds of gifts does he offer to prove that it’s just a short-term, sexy affair, a fling that won’t last? (And what not to give!)”
Give sexy gifts for a sexy affair! Small gestures such as a voucher to fulfil her fantasy or a trip to a lingerie shop to purchase a very sexy nightie. What about two tickets to a steamy movie?
Don’t offer costly gifts because they mean a degree of engagement that neither party is willing to make. There will be no jewellery or high-priced pieces. Maintain a tasteful, rather than a trashy, appearance.
“What kinds of gifts does a man offer a girl as a sign that he is thinking more seriously about the relationship and wants to prove that he hopes it will last?”
When it comes to an anniversary or a special event, such as Valentine’s Day or a birthday, you feel compelled to step up and create something unforgettable. I once gave a girl a naked Barbie doll with a coupon in the box saying I’d buy her (and Barbie) some clothes if she let me help her choose them. That was a huge hit with her.
Anything that connects you two is another choice for a successful “relationship” gift. No, not handcuffs or coordinating T-shirts. I’m talking about something that will remind her of you even though you’re not there, like a sweet pair of wine glasses from your trip to visit some vineyards, or making her a CD with a collection of your favourite songs. Get her a gift that serves two purposes.
“What signs does a man look for to determine what gift to give? What do you make of her signals?”
In selecting a gift, a man should demonstrate some foresight and wisdom. He should consider the woman’s needs and get her something unique. Get her a day pass to a rock climbing gym if she enjoys adventure sports. Get her a concert ticket if she enjoys music. If you think about it for a few minutes, you’ll come up with hundreds of interesting ideas.
The idea here is to be IRREGULAR with the timing, and to recognise the need for some flexibility in how you gift. It’s less about “what” and more about “when” and “how.” Smaller presents are often far more successful than larger ones. Save the huge presents for special occasions.
He should also be on the lookout for signs that the woman is a bit TOO into receiving presents. He can flee to the nearest exit if she makes any subtle hints of needing material gratification.
“Is there ever a time when you shouldn’t offer a gift?”
Don’t offer gifts simply to make up for a mistake you made, such as offending her and expecting to be back in her good graces by giving her sweets. You must demonstrate sincere remorse with the gift so that it does not seem to be a hollow gesture.
Be mindful of being the only one in the partnership who purchases gifts. If she’s very into you, she can regularly buy you gifts. Show that you can provide, but let her show that she can nurture you back.
Another reason you shouldn’t buy her a gift is to solicit sexual favours in return. It sets a bad example for you and cheapens her.
The best rule for gifts is that they can never be given with the intention of receiving anything in exchange. Give simply for the sake of giving, and you’ll almost never go wrong.
Remember that once you’ve developed your self-confidence, you won’t have to think too much about when and how to offer gifts so there will be no undercurrent of neediness on your part.
That simply means that if you exude the right Alpha Male vibe, a woman would not misunderstand the sense of your gift. She’ll realise it’s something she can treasure and not take for granted.
On the other side, if you give to GET, you can encounter difficulties. Women would not want to be with you because you are establishing an agenda, which is the most unattractive trait a woman might detect in you.
Welcome to the site. This post is written by TheWellnessToday (TWT) author.
